I come down the steps
I slip on the ice
Santa Claus' been looking
Who's been naughty, who's been nice
I'm looking
For one thing real tonight
And Jesus, he comes up to me
Jesus, he sits down
He says "take this fucking cross off my back
I'm going downtown"
I said "oh, but ain't that your uniform?"
He offers me a toke
He says "two thousand years is long enough
For this particular joke"
He says "I'm looking
For one thing real tonight"
And I'm up here, singing
These songs every night
Sometimes, I wanna just make 'em all
Up on the spot
Maybe they wouldn't rhyme too good
And they might not make sense
But then, at least, I wouldn't be
Repeating myself
I'm looking
For one thing real tonight
And you're the one I've chosen
And I guess you've chosen me
Let's turn off the commercials
Let's turn off the TV
How well can we get to know
Each other in an hour?
We can fight the daylight
We have that power
I'm looking
For one thing real tonight
And Van Gogh sits next to me
With a bucket full of paste
He rips off my ear and says
"Glue this to my face"
I'd like to leave America
For some place where they would
Not know a word of English
And I might be understood
I'm looking
For one thing real tonight